This the 4th of 9 Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder.¹

People with traits of narcissistic personality often appear to have a high opinion of themselves. This may lead others to not realize this self-importance is sometimes a front.

The sense of superiority that they show to others might help disguise deep-seated internal insecurities and a fragile self-concept. This is why they still need and require praise from others.

This need for praise relates to another key component of narcissistic personality: difficulty with whole object relations. Whole object relations refers to the ability to see people and situations as integrated and complex.

Someone with narcissistic personality might have a difficult time recognizing that everyone, including themselves, has a mix of personality traits. Instead, they often assume one flaw means someone is wholly flawed.

As a cognitive distortion, this is called splitting, or all-or-nothing thinking.

The praise and attention someone with narcissistic personality disorder earns from others help reinforce their sense of superiority.

They might, for example:

• expect people to admire their style, looks, or abilities
• feel enraged when they don’t receive praise for accomplishments
• hint for compliments if they aren’t offered automatically
• spend a lot of time wondering how others perceive them
• expect others to envy them and desire their status, life, or belongings
• make public gestures, like financial donations or acts of kindness, to earn praise

When someone with narcissistic personality doesn’t receive this admiration and praise, they might feel conflicted and frustrated. They might sometimes even begin to doubt that people consider them unique or important.

For someone without whole object relations, failing to achieve perfection implies “you’re nothing.”

If a single flaw can redefine you as a whole as inadequate, you’ll probably find it extremely difficult to accept criticism. This is typical in some people with narcissistic personality.

For example, when a mistake is pointed out, someone with narcissistic personality might protect their vulnerabilities by:

• angrily lashing out and criticizing or devaluing the other person
• making passive-aggressive or snide remarks
• subtly twisting or shifting blame to make themselves look better
• ignoring the other person to show how little they think of them
• privately nursing hurts and grudges, and planning some kind of vendetta

1. https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms [↩]